All the Single Ladies, Put your Hands Up

I’ll be honest, since a teen I can remember “just wanting a boyfriend” and in my twenties “just wanting a husband.”  Let me tell you ladies, this is not the attitude to have when seeking a life partner.  This attitude gets you exactly what you don’t want.  This attitude gets you an unhealthy relationship one way or another.  I can’t tell you how many women I see who have this type of attitude and end up settling for less than their worth.  The cliché saying “you have to love yourself first” or “you will find it when you aren’t looking” are not far from the truth.  When people used to say these things to me, it would be forever frustrating, and I felt like they just didn’t understand.  Fast forward to an amazing husband and 5 children later, I’d say I was the one at the time who didn’t understand.  Those once thought of cliché statements became truth and reality.  When I met my husband, I was in a place of happiness, with myself and by myself.  Did I still want to meet Mr. Right someday, of course, however I had fun focusing on time with myself and becoming more independent.  I bought my first home, spent time with family, friends, and most importantly time with myself.  I’ll admit, my negative experiences lead to revelations which in turn lead me to a wonderful man. However, here are some things I wish my younger self would have learned much earlier.

1. Relationships take work – but they should not be that difficult
2. Both partners should be putting in said work – it is not one sided
3. He will make time for you if you are important to him (Please read this one again… and again)
4. He will make you a priority
5. He will respect and get to know your family and friends
6. You will feel respected and cared for by him
7. He will allow you to feel insecure without making you feel badly for it
8. He will WANT to help you feel more secure
9. He will try to communicate with you, even when it is difficult
10. You can be vulnerable with him
11. You aren’t afraid to share things
12. You trust him
13. You share common life beliefs, meanings, and dreams
14. He recognizes your bids for connection
15. He is willing to repair and take responsibility for his part when you have an argument

Sometimes we need the relationships that did not work out to teach us what we need and want.  However, I also believe that if we as women focused more on ourselves, our needs, and our wants, without apologizing for them, we would be in a better position to find this all on our own.