Day 6 – Recognizing Missed Bids

30-Day Couples Challenge

“Every positive thing you do in a relationship is considered foreplay.”

John Gottman

Show Video Transcript

As we learned yesterday, Dr. Gottman found through his research that turning towards our partners can have a profound effect on marital well-being.

In fact, he found that the masters, as he calls them, turned toward their partners bids 87% of the time. This means that roughly 9 out of 10 times, they were meeting their partners emotional needs.

Pay attention today. Look for the bids you may be missing and contemplate WHY you may be missing them.

Are you preoccupied? Engaged in technology too often? Lacking boundaries with your work emails or duties? Focused on the “I” instead of the “we”?

Once you've identified what might be getting in the way, work to decrease that behavior.

Make a conscious effort to put down the phone, look up from the email, turn away from the TV, and TURN TOWARDS your partner.

The small act of turning toward will have a BIG impact on the relationship.

At the end of the day, list what you noticed may be keeping you from recognizing these bids. Share these with your partner.

While you’re at it, you may even want to make a repair for them!

Click to watch the video and download this PDF to access your task for the day.

If you’re looking for more guidance on recognizing your partner’s bids, call our office at 330-673-5812 to schedule an appointment with a member of our couples counseling team!