Day 20 – Self-Soothing

30-Day Couples Challenge

“You can’t force raging water to be calm. You have to leave it alone and let it return to its natural flow. Emotions are the same way.”


Show Video Transcript

If you become flooded, you will need to take a break to self-sooth. What is self-soothing?

What is the point? And What does it look like?

Self-soothing refers to any behavior an individual uses to regulate their emotional state by themselves.

The goal is to bring your heart rate down so that your body returns to a state of calm. It takes the human body an average of about 20 minutes to do this.

Self-soothing can include going for a walk, coloring, listening to music, reading a book, going to the gym, practicing meditation or engaging in breathing techniques.

During this time, it is crucial that you do not partake in negative thoughts.

Focus on the task at hand and not what hurtful thing your partner just said. Don’t replay what you could have said or need to say.

Thinking about these things will only keep you in this heightened state. Returning to a state of calm will aid in the return of your logic, your humor, and your ability to comprehend.

Be creative. Begin to practice self-soothing skills on a regular basis to find which ones work best to decrease and slow your heartrate.

Share your ideas with your partner so they can try too. Maybe even look up a guided meditation and listen to it together!

Click to watch the video and download this PDF to access your task for the day.

Click to
download this PDF to access an overview of the exercises for the past 10 days.

For more tips on self-soothing, call our office at 330-673-5812 to get paired with one of our experienced clinicians.