Yesterday we began to discuss what happens to our bodies and brains when we become flooded.
During arguments or disagreements, we often try to share our feelings.
Unfortunately, if one or both partners are flooded, what is communicated during such times is a secondary emotion - anger - as opposed to the actual primary feeling of betrayal, rejection, abandonment, hurt, fear, and so on...
The times you feel desperate to be understood, is often in the heat of the moment. In such intense situations, when emotions are high, this is when we feel “safe” or “willing” to share.
The problem, is that in these moments, what needs to be communicated or understood will be lost.
The best way to avoid engaging in discussions when flooded, is for you to understand your body and know when this is happening. So how do we do this?
Pay attention to your behavioral, emotional, and physical cues.
Do you notice your heart rate increase? Do you hear your voice raising?
Do you talk more with your hands? Is your breathing shallow?
Do you feel threatened? Does your stomach do a flip?
Think about a time you have been in an argument with someone. Looking back, what do you notice about your feelings, thoughts, body, and behaviors?
Take note and keep these in mind. Tomorrow we will learn some skills to utilize when flooded so that you and your partner can more effectively communicate during disagreements.