Do you ever feel that despite a positive reaction, you are somehow still misunderstood?
This is not uncommon and much of it has to do with two things – our meta emotions and our love languages.
Today we will address meta emotions. Meta emotions according to Dr. Gottman are the way that we “feel about feelings.”
How our meta emotions develop, has much to do with our personality, temperaments, and how we were encouraged or discouraged to share feelings growing up.
In many relationships, we find that couples have differing meta emotions, which make it difficult to communicate feelings effectively.
If one of you feels that sharing feelings and expressing feelings is important, the need to talk about difficulties in the relationship is important.
On the other hand, if the other feels that sharing feelings is not helpful but rather interprets sharing as “dwelling” on issues, you can imagine this couple will find it difficult to talk effectively when problems arise.
First, examine your own meta emotions.
What comes to your mind when you are presented with the word “feelings?” How do you handle others sharing their feelings with you? How do you experience sharing your feelings with others?
Based on this information- how do you feel about feelings? Now, go share what you find with your partner!